Letter To Author
Dear Children's Book Author,
I am a registered dietitian with a specialty in nutrition therapy for pediatric and adolescent nutrition and the treatment of eating disorders for all ages. I have worked at Boston Childrens Hospital for the past 12 years and for the past 7 in my own private practice in Boston. I have been a witness and advocate for children, their families and adults struggling with this serious and devastating mental health issue. I am also a mother to my three year old daughter.
I am writing from a place of kindness and advocacy to ask you to reconsider a sentence in your book. I found your book in the Boston Children's Library and it caught my eye because it was about picking a special birthday dress. My daughter was about to turn three and I was excited to see a book that she could relate to and that was about real life. Her brain like all almost three year olds absorbs the words and images from each page and becomes a new reality for her. She play acts the pictures, repeats the words, etc. Because of this, I take special care to be sure the words and images I expose her to reflect the messages that nourish her budding brain and developing body esteem.
The part where the soon to be birthday girl tries on dresses at the store because her party dress no longer fits. Regarding the party dress not fitting. I am assuming the intention behind the party dress not fitting was emotionally neutral (other than disappointment about not being able to wear that dress) because she has grown as is expected, normal, healthy, etc. Still it makes me uncomfortable that it wasn't said, so I add a sentence on my own for my daughter about this to clarify that the dress doesn't fit because she has grown. All human bodies change over time. No negative body messages here.
The sentence I am asking you to reconsider is the one where she is trying on dresses and one is too long for dancing, one too full for playing...both exactly as I would expect any tiny human to say.
And then the one about the "lacy sheath being too snug to eat birthday cake in."
I ask you consider the impact on any tiny developing brains and body esteems both girls and boys. This was an adult sentence that has no place in a childrens book as it is not a child's experience when dressing themselves or when thinking about eating cake or any food. Words and images directed at children matter and I think need to hold a higher standard for the potential impact. I think this matters most for a sentence that suggests that a child has a disordered relationship with their body and food.
What is true:
-Children (and adults) do not need a separate size of clothing when eating cake. I can't imagine explaining this to a child. Special bigger sized clothing for any cake eating for all celebrations? A lifetime of this? Imagining this being a part of her inner narrative for birthdays, prom, wedding dress shopping.
-A child chooses clothes based on many factors like color, softness, sparkle for some, fit being comfortable, but not to accommodate a food.
-This message implies that something negative, scary and uncontrollable, not trustable, happens to your body when you eat cake. I would label this as both a negative body and negative food message.
-Too snug means too snug and not fun for anyone, food has nothing to do with this.
-A lacy sheath dress for a child sounds off.
-Children are food and eating buddhas who are an inspiration to us all on how to know when they have had enough to eat. This is true about all foods until there is outside interference like a message about good and bad foods.
-Children can be trusted to know how much to eat assuming the grownups in their world are doing their jobs providing the what, when and where of feeding them. Learn more about this from Ellyn Satter the dietitian and mental health provider who pioneered it.
-Celebration food on our birthdays is a part of our food joy which is just as important for good nutrition for growing as vitamins and minerals.
-The party outfit the character chooses in the end is adorably right! A compilation of her grandmother and grandfather's formal clothes and hat from the attic and she feels fabulous about it.
Thank you for your time and consideration. I consider it my life's work to put a different and honest message out there about food and bodies, especially when it is about those vulnerable, growing or struggling. I hope you can help.
Sincerely,
Vanessa Kane-Alves, RDN, LDN